Understanding the relationship between ritual and ceremony is key to creating meaningful funeral ceremonies that function on a heart and soul level.
The term ceremony can be used to describe anything performed with purpose and intent, perhaps due to lack of purpose and mindfulness in our everyday lives the term usually refers to a shared experience of social or religious significance.
A ritual is a symbolic activity intentionally performed, often over and over again. A ritual may or may not contain words. The performance of a ritual encompasses a “knowing” on a soul level, when words become inadequate a ritual communicates emotions thoughts and feelings in a profound and meaningful way.
A ceremony creates and holds the time and space within which to perform ritual. The rituals then allow us to experience the purpose of the ceremony.
This can be expressed in theatrical terms. The funeral ceremony creates the set and the scenery, through the use of fabrics, flowers and photographs, lighting, sound and aromas. It also drives the narrative forward and choreographs the flow of energy. The cast of mourners dress in costumes, although the modern funeral has moved away from the traditional Victorian mourning costumes, I feel strongly that all attendants at a funeral dress deliberately in something that feels meaningful and appropriate to them.
The rituals themselves are performed within the ceremony and have impact both on a psychological level, providing a mechanism for accepting and coming to terms with the death the process of separation, transition and re -integration and on a deeper more spiritual level supporting the transition of the passing soul.
When a ritual is performed deliberately and consciously by a group of people it contains great power as described by James Roose Evans in the seminal text Passages of the Soul.
“A ritual can resolve, at a deeper level than intellect, some inner conflict, thereby releasing an individual from a psychological block”
“A ritual is a journey of the heart, which should lead us into the inner realm of the psyche, and ultimately, into that of the soul, the ground of our being. Rituals if performed with passion and devotion will enhance our desire and strengthen our capacity to live.”
Crying is perceived as a sign of weakness for many within contemporary western society; and as a result of this many people, especially men find it very difficult to actually cry. Although crying itself is not in any way an essential part of grief nor is it a required component of accepting the reality of a death, most people do feel better after a good cry, it’s as if the watery emotion being expelled from the body via the gateway to the soul provides a healing release. The funeral ceremony provides a safe and an appropriate space for the release and flow of tears, the rituals releasing the psychological block that enables the tears to flow.
Grieving is healing for if we truly open our souls up to the understanding of the loss, grieving becomes the healing of this loss and can operate on a deep level to heal other and previous unhealed loss.
Rituals themselves do not need to be ancient, it is entirely possible to invent and create completely new rituals, however the understanding of them must be shared, perhaps as a part of the current community psyche or maybe even collective consciousness.
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